February 16 – Reclaim Your Weird: How to Embrace Your Authentic Self

“Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.” Judy Garland

“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life.” Steve Jobs

“Nothing can dim the light that shines from within.” Maya Angelou

As Matt Haig says in The Comfort Book, “‘Be yourself’ is perhaps the most common life advice on the planet, yet it is not always easy-or even possible-to follow.”

There are many ways that people are marginalized or criminalized for who they are. People of color, women and girls, LGBTQ+ people, people of minority religions, people with disabilities, and immigrants are often marginalized and criminalized. This can take many forms, such as racial profiling by the police, discrimination in housing and employment, mass incarceration, sexual harassment and assault, domestic violence, discrimination in the workplace, hate crimes, conversion therapy, violence and detention and deportation.

It can be difficult to imagine what it would be like to be stigmatized or criminalized for your identity. However, it is important to remember that there are people who are willing to stand up for themselves and their identities, even in the face of adversity. I often imagine myself living in another time. To paraphrase a Sheryl Crow song, “I have a big mouth when I see something that I don’t like.” I would surely have been burned at the stake or prosecuted for being a witch. It upsets me so much when people are punished for who they are because other people don’t understand or are afraid. I find that this is a strong part of who I am. When I try to repress it or bite my tongue, I end up regretting it and wishing I had said something. It has taken me many years to learn that this is just who I am and not everyone is going to agree with me. I hate confrontation, but it is better than not being true to yourself. I find that it is better to stand alone and be proud of who you are and what you believe, than to suppress your true self to make others feel comfortable or try to fit in with people that don’t value your true identity.

True belonging means being comfortable with who we are, even when we are different from others. It means being willing to stand up for ourselves, even when it is difficult. It means being vulnerable and open to criticism. This can be a tough challenge, especially in a world that is increasingly divided along political and ideological lines. It can feel like we are constantly being attacked for our beliefs, and it can be tempting to conform to the majority view in order to avoid conflict. However, it is important to remember that we are all connected, regardless of our differences. We are all human beings, and we all share the same basic needs for love, belonging, and acceptance. When we choose to stand up for our true selves, we are not only standing up for ourselves, but we are also standing up for everyone who feels different. We are sending a message that it is okay to be different, and that we will not be silenced.

The world can be a scary place, especially when we feel like we don't belong. But it's important to remember that we are not alone. There are people who will accept us for who we are, even if we are different. It takes courage to stand up for ourselves, especially when we are going against the majority. But it's important to remember that our voices matter. When we speak out, we are making a difference. We are all connected, regardless of our differences. We are all human beings, and we all deserve to be treated with respect. When we choose to love and accept one another, we create a more just and compassionate world.

I recently saw a meme that said, “Your 30s are for unlearning all the conformity you picked up in your teens and 20s and getting back to the weirdo you were as a kid.” I have watched my son change as he has gone through his teens. I have watched him suppress who he really is in order to fit in. It really saddened me and made me miss that kid. This meme gives me hope that he’ll be back one day. Michelle Obama discusses something like this in her book, The Light We Carry, “When you start to rewrite the story of not mattering, you start to find a new center. You remove yourself from other people’s mirrors and begin speaking more fully from your own experience, your own knowing place.” When you have pride in yourself, you are more likely to believe in yourself and your abilities. This can help you to overcome obstacles and setbacks.

Obama explains it doesn't mean that the obstacles will disappear, but it can help you to see them as less daunting. When you focus on your victories, even small ones, it can help you to build confidence and resilience.

In your 30s, you can risk more because at this point, no one expects as much from you. There are no grades, college applications, or first jobs. We can reinvent ourselves! As we rediscover who we really are, we can reclaim our essence, our authentic selves. As Felicia Day says in, Embrace Your Weird, “I realized that expressing our weirdness is a baked-in superpower we all have, but for some reason, many are afraid of using it! Life is so much easier when we conform and stay silent, right? Easier, but one of the greatest disservices we can do to ourselves.”

To return to Matt Haig, “It’s okay to let people find you. You don’t have to spread yourself so thin you become invisible. You don’t always have to be the person reaching out. You can sometimes allow yourself to be reached.” As the writer Annie Lamott puts it, “Lighthouses don’t go running all over an island for boats to save; they just stand there shining.”

Haig continues, “It’s okay to be broken. It’s okay to wear the scars of experience. It’s okay to be a mess. It’s okay to be the teacup with a chip in it, that’s the one with a story. It’s okay to be sentimental and whimsical and cry bittersweet tears at songs and movies you aren’t supposed to love. It’s okay to like what you like. It’s okay to like things for literally no reason other than because you like them and not because they are cool or clever or popular. It’s okay not to make the most out of every chunk of time. It’s okay to be who you are. It’s okay.”

Activity: Time Travel

This is a take on an activity from Felicia Day’s Embrace Your Weird.

Find photos of when you were younger. Pick four ages and write an adjective that describe the past you. Which of these adjectives still apply today? Which ones that have fallen away do you want back?

Use an online map to locate all the houses you lived in as a kid. Check the street view if you can. Do any memories arise from the photos?

Name a fictional character that you admired as a kid. Why did you admire them? What about their lives did you want to experience yourself? Watch/read/enjoy a piece of entertainment with the character in it now. Does it make you feel closer to who you used to be?

More memories:

Best birthday?

Best friend?

Favorite pet?

Favorite food?

First toy?

Most hated cartoon villain?

 Most awesome vacation?

Snack I enjoyed when my parents weren’t looking?

Posters I hung in my room?

Things I hid from my parents?

Ways I used to annoy my siblings/friends?

How people in school saw me?

In today's increasingly digital world, it's easy to lose sight of what makes us human. The constant bombardment of screens and social media can distract us from cultivating essential qualities like kindness, empathy, and resilience.

Nurturing Hopeful Resilience guides parents and caregivers through the challenges of raising children in a technology-driven age. It explores the importance of instilling strong values in children from a young age to help them develop into compassionate, responsible, and fulfilled individuals.

Through a series of practical exercises and insightful reflections, this book delves into fourteen core values: curiosity, awareness, kindness, learning, self-awareness, fairness, playfulness, compassion, service, belonging, trustworthiness, authenticity, community, and responsibility. Understanding and nurturing these values can empower our children to thrive in a complex and ever-changing world.

This book offers a roadmap for raising children who are academically successful, emotionally intelligent, socially adept, and morally grounded. It encourages readers to prioritize human connection, empathy, and compassion over material possessions and fleeting digital distractions. By embracing the power of values, we can create a brighter future for ourselves and generations to come.