April 11 – Recognizing and Reacting to Unfairness

“Man’s inhumanity to man is not only perpetrated by the vitriolic actions of those who are bad. It is also perpetuated by the inaction of those who are good.” Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

Fairness is a cornerstone of human interaction. It fosters trust, cooperation, and a sense of well-being. But what happens when fairness is violated? How do we recognize unfairness, and what are the consequences of experiencing it?

Unfairness can manifest in various ways, as B. Janet Hibbs outlines in Try to See It My Way. It can arise from loyalty conflicts, situations where we feel obligated to two parties with opposing demands. Imagine a child caught between wanting to play with friends and needing to help a parent with chores. These situations can trigger feelings of unfairness, as fulfilling one obligation often means neglecting another. As a middle-aged woman, I have often felt trapped in a tug-of-war between caring for my aging parents and taking care of my responsibilities to my child and husband. Many women feel a tug-of-war between work responsibilities and responsibilities at home. This seesawing of life can often leave everyone unhappy and burned out.

Unfairness can also take the form of seemingly trivial events. Hibbs refers to these as "stupid fights" - everyday irritations like a lack of appreciation or a broken promise. While seemingly minor, these repeated instances can erode trust and create a sense of simmering resentment within relationships. Keeping these to yourself can cause your anger to boil over in a seemingly irrational explosion or can result in destructive passive-aggressive behavior. The best path is to approach these problems diplomatically and maturely and to communicate with empathy and understanding.

As relationships mature, deeper issues of fairness can emerge. Financial disparities, career conflicts, and unmet needs within a partnership can all contribute to a perception of unfairness. Hibbs terms these "growing pains," highlighting the challenges couples face in navigating fairness within a long-term commitment.

The most egregious violations of fairness are those categorized as enduring injustices. These involve acts of betrayal, chronic abuse, or broken trust. These severe breaches can leave lasting scars and threaten the very foundation of a relationship.

Experiencing unfairness can have a significant impact on our emotional well-being. As David Bodanis observes in The Art of Fairness, the world can feel inherently unfair when "terrible people often succeed." This perception can breed feelings of frustration, anger, and helplessness. When left unchecked, these emotions can damage our self-esteem and hinder our ability to trust others.

“Don’t agonize. Organize.” Nancy Pelosi

The human spirit is remarkably resilient. While unfairness can leave its mark, it doesn't have to define us. Recognizing and acknowledging the unfair treatment we've experienced is the first step towards healing. We can then choose to address the situation directly, seek support from loved ones, or simply distance ourselves from the source of the unfairness.

In the aftermath of unfairness, repair is often necessary. B. Janet Hibbs emphasizes the importance of rebuilding trust and developing new, "fairer" ways of interacting. This may involve open communication, setting boundaries, or even seeking professional mediation.

Recognizing and addressing unfairness isn't just about protecting ourselves. By striving for fairness in our interactions with others, we contribute to a more just and equitable world. Whether it's demanding equal treatment in the workplace or advocating for social justice, our commitment to fairness has the power to create positive change for ourselves and those around us.

Activity: Historical Site Tour: Visit a historical site related to social justice movements, such as a museum dedicated to the Civil Rights Movement. Discuss the ongoing struggle for fairness throughout history.

In today's increasingly digital world, it's easy to lose sight of what makes us human. The constant bombardment of screens and social media can distract us from cultivating essential qualities like kindness, empathy, and resilience.

My book, Nurturing Hopeful Resilience,  guides parents and caregivers through the challenges of raising children in a technology-driven age. It explores the importance of instilling strong values in children from a young age to help them develop into compassionate, responsible, and fulfilled individuals.

Through a series of practical exercises and insightful reflections, this book delves into fourteen core values: curiosity, awareness, kindness, learning, self-awareness, fairness, playfulness, compassion, service, belonging, trustworthiness, authenticity, community, and responsibility. Understanding and nurturing these values can empower our children to thrive in a complex and ever-changing world.

This book offers a roadmap for raising children who are academically successful, emotionally intelligent, socially adept, and morally grounded. It encourages readers to prioritize human connection, empathy, and compassion over material possessions and fleeting digital distractions. By embracing the power of values, we can create a brighter future for ourselves and generations to come.